Temporary Separation to Avoid Divorce

Things have been kind of stressed lately with DD and I. Sunday I decided to stop holding it all in and basically told him how frustrated and upset I was with the things were between us. Of course I got the usual response from him when I bring up something uncomfortable, which is no response. I hate being ignored, or feeling like I am being ignored. We argued all day and into Monday, which then carried over into Tuesday.

Finally Tuesday night I told him I was thinking that we might aught to think about seperation. I don’t want a divorce, but at the same time I’m not happy with the way things are. This seemed like a logical step to me. Take some time apart, sort things out individually (because we both have things that need to be worked on), and then take it slowly working things out together. Is this a rational line of thinking? DD doesn’t think so. We had a long talk last night, and he has promised to work on his stuff. I guess I just need to think, clear my head, and decide how to proceed. Right now I am angry and bitter and frustrated towards him and everything he does or doesn’t do. I know this, I admit it, I am open with him about it. I just don’t know how to deal with it. I have never been much of one for “just dealing” I am an action oriented person, and not a patient one. I have a hard time just “waiting and seeing”.

What makes all of this that much harder is that I do still care about him. It isn’t like it was with the ex. By the time I was ready to admit the problem, I hated him and didn’t care one way or the way how he felt about things. He had hurt me and all I wanted was to hurt him for the 10 years of hell I had lived. I don’t want to do that to DD. I don’t want to get to the point that I hate him. However, I have gotten to the point of being so stressed about things that I am getting physically sick. I can’t eat without being sick afterwards, I have migraines a couple of times a week, and I just generally feel like crap.

What are we supposed to do? DD says seperation isn’t an option. I have told him the things that I see that need to change. He has agreed to work on them. I have told him what I want for myself, time alone every so often, and time with my friends which have become almost nonexistant. Am I being selfish? I don’t think so. I have basically shouldered all the responsibility in this relationship since we met. I need help.

I know some of you out there have been through similar stuff in your relationships.